Childs play!

The powers to be forgot to clue me in on all these dramatics of bringing up a child.

We had two amazing years in Tampere, Leo was happy going to daycare, enjoying himself and he was allowed to be himself without any drama. In fact, his personality was encouraged to blossom! So what if being himself means that he spontaneously bursts into song in the middle of the street, greets people by kissing their cheeks, is loud, dramatic and possesses a rather quirky sense of humor. But those are all qualities are, in my opinion, pretty fabulous.

And now we're back in Oulu. And things are not looking too hot. I noticed a change in him as soon as he started in his new preschool/daycare in August. He got quiet and reserved and was crying loads. He kept telling me that he was being bullied and that he had no friends there. I believed him and took this matter up with the preschool teacher. Now I prefer to have things dealt without any insinuations and straight up. She does not seem to favor this type of an approach and was rather taken aback when I asked her about Leos situation. According to her, things were just peachy, everyone was great friends with everyone and Leo had all the playmates he could have asked for there. Here I admit that I let my son down as I believed the woman. But just for a week or so! The crying would not stop, he didn't want to go to preschool and what was most alarming, his speech started to deteriorate once again. I contacted a speech therapist and booked him an appointment and then asked Leo why he's started studdering and forgetting his words. His answer? " The boys in daycare keep laughing at me and saying, listen to him talk, he sounds so stupid, so I don't want to talk anymore. It makes me sad to be laughed at." At this point, I saw red. I've been bullied in school and it took me years and years to get over the trauma and begin to have confidence in myself again and I'll be damned if anyone bullies my kid..!

So once again I confronted the preschool teacher, explaining to her what Leo has told me and asked her what measures would be taken so that this kind of a behavior would stop once and for all. Her response? " Oh but I don't know of any such incidents, no one has ever told me of those kind of situations." We went home that day, me growling and Leo still sad.

The next morning things got odd. The preschool teacher approaches me solemnly and declares that a specialist from the other group in the building will come and monitor my sons behavior as he is showing alarming signs of something. What that something was, was a tad unclear. Apparently my son was now a violent person, attacking staff and other children ( no mention of such incidents were given to me prior to this ) and the teacher wanted to know if there had been any abnormal behavior in his previous daycare. He was also immensely restless and unable to function in a group. Those are the teachers words.

I had no problem with someone coming to monitor him, which I told her, yet I made it pretty clear, in my own style, that no way in hell would my son be "diagnosed" based on some 30 minutes visits by some so called professional. That if such monitoring would be used as grounds for anything, there would have to be consistent visits plus proper documentation stating everything.

Few weeks passed, Leo wasn't crying anymore, yet he still claimed he had no friends. I told them about this and we booked a discussion time with the preschool teacher. I had to fill out a form which stated my parenting styles and Leos answers to specific questions regarding preschool. This form was to follow him all the way to school. The other sections of the form were to be filled out by the teacher. These sections included such statements: " Knows how to dress him/herself properly ", " Can deal with his/her disappointment without harming themselves, others or their environment " and so on.

According to the preschool teacher, my son does not know how to dress and undress himself. And that he acts violently when not allowed to do something. Naturally I wanted examples of such situations. First off with the dressing. She had marked it as " Blossoming skill ". Her reasoning for this was that Leo doesn't fold his pants and shirts and has once left to go outside without his outside pants on. This means that a child cannot dress themselves in this particular preschool. Then the matter of violence which still makes me shake my head in wonder since my kid is touchy feely, yes, but never violent. The reason she gave me for marking this particular spot with a " Needs training " was that he has ONCE pulled on her finger when they had been outside on a field trip. I mean, seriously. I will not get into what I said to her, some of it is not printable, but I made myself pretty clear that if she wanted to start building some kind of a case of my son being a problem child, she needed to inform me of every appointment with these specialists and I wanted a copy of every document regarding my son that she writes or receives.

It had taken me this long to realize what was going on. I just didn't think such things would happen here! But now I get it. Why would any preschool/daycare want to be labelled as incompetent? It is so much more easier to brand the kid problematic and explain the problems so, isn't it? I have to be clear here that if my son truly had ADHD or was autistic ( these both have come up with these little talks I've had with the teacher ), it would not be the end of the world, he'd still be just as awesome and just as good as anyone else. In fact, it would be great if such diagnoses can be made early on so that he would get the support he deserves. But what I do recent is the fact that he is being made to look like a problem child simply to get the focus off the insufficient conduct of the personnel.

As the situation now stands, I've applied new places for him in smaller establishments, let's hope that he can leave that place before any irreparable damage gets done. Yesterday the teacher told me she had called Leos previous daycare in Tampere and perhaps I was imagining things but she actually sounded and looked a bit miffed when she told me that they had said he had never been aggressive there. It's as if she has expected her opinions of my son to be confirmed from them and was let down when they were not.

Huh, this turned into a novel it seems. Let's just keep our fingers crossed that I'll get a call today that he can start elsewhere and can start being his wonderful self again! I must point out that this is the one subject that gets me all worked up and pissed off, never mind frustrated and furious, but I have written this as truthfully as possible and without exaggeration on which I know I'm prone to be inclined to.

Until next time, be well!

With friends like these..

Serves me right to make a fuss about constantly doing something new and different and not wanting to settle down to do boring stuff. Here I am, wholly without a practical training place with three weeks wasted waiting with my finger up my ass because a "friend" said he'd definitely get me into one certain place. My new rule is not to trust anyone. It seems that I am the only one who will not let me down when push comes to shove.

That right there is one of the most infuriating things in my opinion; having to wait for others to get their act together when I've done my bits already. I hate having to wait around, calling, sending emails and all that.

Perhaps it's my own fault, that I keep ending up in these situations of dependence. Yet when one thinks about it, how often is it that they get to really just operate on their own schedule and follow merely their own rules of conduct? That's my new goal, to be as independent and self sufficient as possible!

The positive outcome of this mess is that I'm more determined than ever to be my own boss. I'll be damned if I have to bow down to anyone. Yeah, there's a goal, I'll be like the hobbits in The Lord of the Rings, I'll bow down to no one! Now all I got to do is grow copious amounts of hair on my feet, but I don't think that'll prove much of a challenge.

So the new action plan on my road to graduating is to start writing my thesis, as soon as I'm done with this post, I'm going to whip together a fabulous thesis topic analysis and start banging away on my thesis! Yay!

Oh and if any of you darling people reading this happens to know anyone who knows someone who might remember a certain person in need of a trainee for 5 months, give me a shout! Cheers!

Back in time for..

Once again I find myself wide awake when I'm supposed to be fast asleep so I can get up in the morning like a normal person and not like a zombie.  I accidentally passed out when chatting with Leo about his day and then woke up bright eyed an hour later at 9 o'clock in the evening. Freaking awesome.

So I ended up watching Little Women, crying my eyes out like a girl and now I'm watching Jane Eyre, trying to mimic the speech patterns they have, so I'll sound less like an Australian! I'll keep you posted on the progress of this endeavor.

Perhaps I ought to start reading The Principles of Corporate Business again, that always seems to lull me to sleep fast enough.

I've started going to the gym now. It's a lovely gym, filled with old folk so I don't feel self conscious at all! Mind you, there was this one gentleman, I am pretty sure he was pushing 80 already, doing these odd standing up ab crunches and when I tried, I nearly puked and fell on my face. Kudos on him! Anyway, the gym is great and soon I shall have developed killer muscles, only not too big ones, the sleek looking ones! Yay!

Oh bugger it all, I cant come up with anything even slightly marvellous to write so I shall just bid thee all good night and try this writing thing again tomorrow.

Oh for heavens sake.

Guess what I've done?

Oh come on, guess now.. No? Fine.

Ok, you'd NEVER have guessed it anyway, so I'll just tell you.

I've changed my mind again!!

Yep, a real shocker, eh?

I've gone back to school, looking for a training position and.. wait for it... I've started to train for a promotional run that'll take place in the spring! Yes, seriously. Stop laughing.

The thing is, since that last post and the whole ruckus I made about going back to the world of adults.. Well, I'm the first to admit that that did not turn out to be the case.

The sad reality is that if one truly wants a proper job ( and with a proper job I mean the kind that doesn't have merely provision wages, has bosses whose balls have dropped and co workers that don't prance about the workplace shouting VITTU every two minutes because their nails broke or some person refused to buy a dodgy mobile interface from them ), they really need to have a degree. So my brilliant plan of getting a job and saving money so that we can move abroad backfired rather spectacularly when all the work I was able to get was selling electricity and phone sales, which is basically like getting a splintered log shoved up ones backside on a daily basis.

Now I'm honest enough to myself to recognize and admit when I'm being snotty and bitchy, but in this particular case, I swear that those jobs were way beneath me and what I can truly do. So I quit. Called TAMK and begged them to take me back and here we are then!

My darling friend is helping me get a practical place with his firm and things are looking up once again!

Also, I'm planning a trip to visit my darling Paula and the little bundle that was born last month, Elias! Also, my favorite brother has invited me over to Dublin for my birthday, so I might actually get to have an actual holiday, just for me, for the first time in 7 years in November.

Three cheers to that.

And the winner is...

What a great writer I am, eh?

So prompt and effective.

The thing is, the theme for this blog is going to change a lot, not only because of the the fact that we are not moving to Barcelona after all but also because I am going to stop mocking about and start playing the role of a responsible person again.

Leo left for Lapland today with my mom and her man, they came to pick up the first load of stuff and the kid and I shall be all alone until the end of the month. My mother says this is the perfect opportunity for me to spend so quality time on my own and have a little holiday if you will. Well here I am, mother, sitting in the middle of an empty living room, with nothing but a TV and a rug for company and I cannot help wonder when the fun will begin. I am so sick and tired of spending quality time on my own. I´d much rather spend it with my dear friends. Which, as it would seem, are all in Oulu.

I´ve officially become study placeless, having taken a leave from my studies for a year. I will not be coming back to this city again, the rest of my studies will be done in Oulu, I just have to apply for a transfer next year.

I´m sure there are loads of ways to express ones disappointment when things have not gone even remotely like you planned, but the most potent one of those ways for me at the moment seems to be to sulk and feel sorry for myself like a good selfish pillock that I am.

I am not naive enough to think that many people get exactly what they yearn from life, but I do vehemently believe that we get what we need in that particular place and time to be able to move forward without perishing. Our road will lead to Oulu, the smelly city, where our family and friends reside. I shall find myself a job, pay off some of my humongous debts and Leo can start preschool in a language that he actually knows.

Sure, I´m gutted for not being able to move abroad, but I´ve made the mature decision for once.

So onwards and upwards, back to the world of grown ups!

I´ve stopped thinking! Hurrah! Have you ever noticed how most of the good stuff in life seems to waltz past you simply because you are too over thinking matters and therefore clustering every chance of actually taking a leap of faith.

I´ve been over thinking, over wishing things, squeezing my eyes shut and hoping that I´d get money somewhere, I´d get a job somewhere, my rent would be paid somehow magically and that my school work would just do itself. When in fact, that is all bullshit. I will get nothing done so and I ought to stop wishing and over thinking and just get on with it. Stiff upper lip and all that.

My best friend, my darling woman, Jules, is leaving for home on Sunday. She has been one of those people that you just know from the start that you will know still when you are drooling all over yourself in a nursing home. She has helped me through so much drama and simply been there without any drama, that I´m not sure how exactly I will be able to start holding down the fort by myself again. It´s both a brilliant thing that she is leaving and the saddest thing in years. I love the fact that things keep changing yet I vehemently object to it. Our time together in this country has come to an end, yet now our relationship will only become stronger and even more international! And this makes the sun shine out of my bottom.

I´ve booked flights to Barca, to go for an interview with Leos future school. 380 freaking euros for one whole day there. It dawned to me that we seriously do not know anyone there. Not a soul. I had somehow thought that we could just stay at a friends house for the couple of nights and I very nearly soiled myself out of horror when I realized that in fact, we are really jumping into the deep end. But I´m not that scared anymore. It´s merely a test of merit and how steely my balls are. Symbolically speaking naturally.

Tonight we had the last mothers day party at Leos daycare. He looked so huge among the other kids, it was comical. He will grow up to be such an entertainer! I love it! So I got my flowers and the card he had made and can go to sleep feeling like a good mom for a change. Which is exactly what I will do now!

Piss poor job, says I..

Gosh darn it. I´m back.

Ok, the thing is, I am an easily distracted personality, I´ve got 5 books that I´m reading at one time, I forget the dishes in the sink with the soap water because I start doing homework with Leo, I wake up in the morning, vehemently determined to write this and do that and then end up washing laundry or staring at the wall until it´s time to go and pick the Spud up and realize I´ve gotten nothing done.

This is me, trying to make excuses on why I have not been writing. Not here or anywhere else.

Yet, even though I´ve been silent on this front, I´ve managed to get something done!
I´ve send out job applications and got three responses today, it´s starting to look as if I am able to pay Leos school after all! The cruel irony of the matters at hand is that the most desirable position of those three is the one that sounds to most dodgy when you look at it more thoroughly. Bugger, says I.

I´ve also started to sell our stuff. The sofa, other kitchen table, digi box, book shelves and so are firmly out on the market, let´s hope someone has the good sense to relieve me of these items. And pay good money for them, obviously.

I recognize this feeling of restlessness inside from all the previous times I´ve decided to pack up and haul us to the next address and this time, I´m not even going to try and feel bad about it. I am nearly giddy with excitement on having the possibility to start fresh and doing it without any help. There is no family there to help, nothing to lean on in Barcelona that I could steady myself to.

This, my dearest people, is the true test of merit, if I really have the strength that I´ve been hollering about for years and years. I´m pretty confident that I will pass the test with flying colors. Hmm.