Piss poor job, says I..

Gosh darn it. I´m back.

Ok, the thing is, I am an easily distracted personality, I´ve got 5 books that I´m reading at one time, I forget the dishes in the sink with the soap water because I start doing homework with Leo, I wake up in the morning, vehemently determined to write this and do that and then end up washing laundry or staring at the wall until it´s time to go and pick the Spud up and realize I´ve gotten nothing done.

This is me, trying to make excuses on why I have not been writing. Not here or anywhere else.

Yet, even though I´ve been silent on this front, I´ve managed to get something done!
I´ve send out job applications and got three responses today, it´s starting to look as if I am able to pay Leos school after all! The cruel irony of the matters at hand is that the most desirable position of those three is the one that sounds to most dodgy when you look at it more thoroughly. Bugger, says I.

I´ve also started to sell our stuff. The sofa, other kitchen table, digi box, book shelves and so are firmly out on the market, let´s hope someone has the good sense to relieve me of these items. And pay good money for them, obviously.

I recognize this feeling of restlessness inside from all the previous times I´ve decided to pack up and haul us to the next address and this time, I´m not even going to try and feel bad about it. I am nearly giddy with excitement on having the possibility to start fresh and doing it without any help. There is no family there to help, nothing to lean on in Barcelona that I could steady myself to.

This, my dearest people, is the true test of merit, if I really have the strength that I´ve been hollering about for years and years. I´m pretty confident that I will pass the test with flying colors. Hmm.

Minor setback ahoi!

Turns out, my brilliant plan to start bettering myself was temporarily forgotten when I was left alone. I spend an wonderful evening watching a musical whilst eating a lovely 3 course meal in pleasurable company at Musiikki teatteri Palatsi on Saturday evening. My goodness, those singers were, coin a phrase ,unbelievable. Yet..

... I did no writing, nothing remotely beneficial to my spiritual growth nor did I clean the apartment during those four days that I was alone. But fear not! Now that I am once again able to think straight, I shall continue my path of enlightment. Oh and clean the windows.

I have been going through various options on how to pay Leos rather humongous school fees in Barcelona. It will cost me approximately 6000 euros to put Leo to the International School of Catalunya. This of course might as well be 6 000 000 euros. But I refuse to be let down even after that not so nice bank lady laughed in my face when I asked for a loan or when my attempts on finding a shirtless Spaniard hunk as a au pair failed to follow through. So that leaves me currently looking for a part time job which would able me to pay Leos school fees. There are a huge amount of jobs available in the Barcelona area and by golly, one of those jobs is mine sooner than you can say "constitutionalition of laws and regulations".

Leo lost another tooth, someone seems to have hit the fast forward button on the imaginary remote and I cannot, for the life of me, find the one that will make things go at a normal speed again. So if you happen to come upon such remote, do not give me the control of it as I have a sneaking suspicion that this is exactly what we both need, more action and not having two identical days in a week.

Actually, now that I re read that sentence, life is pretty good. Jolly good in fact.

Extraordinarily average.

So Leo left for Lapland today, humming the Darth Vader theme as he walked out the door.

And I was left with silence again.

But this time, instead of trying to make the silence go away so that I could not think, I embraced it and let the thoughts flow. And I must say, this has been rather fun! Even if I´ve been pondering about some not so positive things and came up numerous not so cheerful scenarios about the future at some point, the main thing was that I did think and I did let myself submerge in my own head and actually liked what I found there! Hurrah!

I can honestly say that all the things I was writing about yesterday, about opening up to embrace the little things in life again, works on ones thoughts too. I´m pretty sure that I will not have the nightmares tonight, that I will be able to sleep soundly and wake up tomorrow without feeling exhausted. And this realization brings me great joy.

See? A little thing!

Blob.

Leo is leaving up north tomorrow for four nights.

He has made a detailed plan on how he and his grandfather are going to make him a knights helmet and knuckle shields from cast iron. That is one of the most amazing things about him. That he is not tainted with too much reality and logical thinking. I´m pleased to notice that I too am not that tainted and numb from logical thinking, that I too can still appreciate the small things in life, like seeing a old couple walk to the store hand in hand or break into a happy dance if I happen to brew the perfect tasting pot of coffee.

I´m sure his creativity and wild imagination will unfortunately be toned down and even distinguished once he starts school, so I will make it my business to make him remember this time. When everything was still possible and the mere thought of  riding a lion to daycare wearing nothing but a sword and a Darth Vader outfit was so real and hilarious that it made him smile so bright the whole room seemed to illuminate.

It´s so freaking easy to forget about the simple pleasures of life these days. We´re all overwhelmed with the latest gadgets and clothes and music. Yet I believe that even when surrounded by all this STUFF, because that is all it is, a person is still not happy because they lack the ability to let go and relax.

I, for one, refuse to lack that ability. I´m done stressing about income, relationships and deadlines all the time and will  instead focus on the little things to draw me the sense of accomplishment that I so desperately seem to crave. I´ll go back to the basics, build myself up again and learn to value what really counts in the long run.

After all, life is what you make of it. And mine shall be an adventure.

The typical Monday

Darn it.

We spend all day at home today as the Kid got sick during the night with some kind of a stomach bug! I accidentally happened to look in the mirror just now and I swear to whatever it is that you, dear reader, find holy, I nearly wet myself as I got so scared.

I am only 26 after all, that is not an old person. I have made a decision to yank my head out of my arse and begin to ponder things more positively. This includes for example standing in front of mirror on regular intervals and repeat to myself " I am young still and therefore capable of great things."

Sound tacky to you? Well, too bad, I shall do it regardless.

It´s just now getting dark outside and it´s 20.35. I love the spring time in Finland, I shall miss it dearly. The whole notion of rejuvenation and starting afresh is almost sacred to me.  Mind you, this year the whole panic about losing weight in order to be able to go to the beach has not surfaced yet. Perhaps I´m turning into a confident adult now and will not perceive things in such a shallow way! Hurrah!

One thing that has surfaced lately a lot, is the growing need write. I was looking for editorial positions and how to actually become one and I stumbled across this one site that listed 14 different websites that actually pay people to keep a blog and write articles on the sites! I loved that idea! And I plan on applying for those positions, one has to start somewhere, right?

Perhaps that is what I will proceed in doing now, writing.

So until next time, cheerio!

A fresh start.

I´ve decided to start writing my very own blog as I´m desperate to be able to create something. Even if that something is mere musings of my everyday life and my grand plans for the future.

The reason this blog will be in English instead of Finnish, which is my native language, is because I want everyone anywhere to be able to read it, not just my mom. She can use Google Translate.

One of key points as to why this blog came to live tonight, is that it´s Sunday. On Sundays, I always find myself feeling as though I can achieve anything I set my mind to; I will finally finish that portfolio for Communications Skills course and learn how to make mayonnaise or even iron the pillowcases. First thing on Monday. Sundays are the days when I am nearly giddy with excitement and full of energy about all the things I will get done. And I never do. Then on the following Monday, I feel utterly sad for still not knowing how to make mayonnaise or having done jack shit to the portfolio.

So this is a historical moment. I cannot even remember the countless Sundays I´ve ploughed through the Internet, trying to avoid doing anything even slighty productive and thought to myself, " You really ought to start a blog. Even your freaking dad has a blog." And on this very Sunday, I actually did it! Hurrah!

Another major key point to this blog is the fact that we, me and my son Leo, are moving to Spain in the summer.

I want to keep a journal, if you will, of all the hiccups and triumphs of our great adventure beholds. As it is dawning on me that moving to another country with a school aged child is no small feat, I want to be able to vent out all the checkpoints along the journey from this very cold living room in the southern part of Finland to a not so cold living room in Barcelona.

So here we go.